I Love My Mother, But...: Practical Help to Get the Most Out of Your Relationship

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How Do You Deal With Unconscious People?

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Build a Healthy Mother-Daughter Bond

They will try to make you bend, flex and break at the seams. Dealing with toxic people takes an enormous amount of energy. For many toxic people, conflict is the only way they can connect. Toxic people will have you bending over backwards and tied with a barbed wire ribbon to keep you there. It will keep you angry, sad and disempowered. Forgiveness is about letting go of expecting things to be different.

There is a pattern many toxic people follow.

There will be mounting demands and a rising pull on your emotional resources. Then there will be the crisis — the test. Be aware of the cycle and use it to build your boundaries on an even more solid foundation.

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There will never be any more than minimal, and even that will come with conditions. The world is full of people whose behaviour is breathtakingly damaging. The secret to living well means living deliberately. I have had two toxic people nearly ruin my view of myself. I escaped the first possessive hold of the first narcissistic person but then four years and a few months ago fell in the trap again.

Why are young women's relationships with their mothers often so fraught? - Telegraph

At first I believed I had a good friend, lots of compliments and good cheer than a change…lots of put downs and questions about my choices. Personal questions about my food, budget, family relationships, clothing and hair style. That name calling was the start of worse treatment.

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Finally, it came down to verbal attacks and bullying. At first I was very hurt and tried to be understanding.

2. Forgive her

Then I was apologizing, that was a mistake. Finally I was approached and told I was just plain selfish. I had tried so hard to please.. All for nothing! Now I know from sites such as this, I was in the company of a toxic, narciss. Such a one does not have a mental ailment! This is a learned behavior. The Bible shows that one must repent and turn around from actions that cause pain to others. The word for those who delight in being mean are called wicked. Christians are to turn away from association with wicked ones especially if there is no hope of change in the person.

Find friends whom you can love and they, in turn, will love you. I found your article to be very interesting and helpful I am the oldest of three girls in my family, we are grown adults now in our fifties. For over thirty years now our relationship has had some terrible ups and downs. Our mother passed away at 49 and unfortunately our worlds turned upside down from there.

I Love My Mother, But…

My two sisters chose different paths in life to follow, drugs and alcohol. In and out of rehab, relationships, had children at sixteen, in anusive relationships. Fortunately I kept my head above water and my path was different from theirs. I worked three jobs, went back to school, married a childhood sweetheart, and have three wonderful children. I have spent the last thirty years doing all I could to include them in my life, unfortunately all these years were hell, I never could do enough , being sworn at, being yelled at and ridiculed for whatever reason they saw fit, every holiday every phone call I felt pangs of anxiety not knowing what nonsense they would come up with next.

For many years I had counseling to help me through this toxicity with them and I learned to cope better and lessen my time with them. It has taken years for me to feel happier without all of this commotion from them on my life and in my families life. I let it all go. No more, no more bending over backwards and being the nice guy. I severed all contacts with her, took me about six months to breath easy and know I did the right thing, even her own two children cease contact with her over the years. She is narcisstic and thinks the world revolves around her. The other sister is just about the same but needs to be more in control.

I wantedTwo sisters who appreciate me and my family.